Exhibit c001: THE PLAYERS

When it comes to naming my pets, I apply the same principle others use for choosing middle names for their children. You take the name you’d really like to give them but, knowing it would result in a lifetime of adversity in the form of humiliating remarks, you think better and hide it discreetly between their first and last names where no one is likely to find it, except perhaps as the result of a last resort small-talk inquiry on a blind date.

Cats, to the best of my knowledge, have very little understanding of the specifics of ‘human’ language. (they are more responsive to tone and intent, i think. you can tell a cat you love it but, if you make sure to waggle a finger, raise your voice a bit, and flavor it with some ire, you can still send it cowering into a dark corner of a room, its head heavy with guilt. maybe humans and cats aren't so different after all.) This allows one total freedom in choosing a name. And here are the names I've chosen:


This name was actually donated by a friend, but it struck me as completely appropriate. She shares the name with a retired professional baseball player but this is a bit of trivia that eluded me for a long time. I liked the name because it has several nickname opportunities ("Chooch", "Coleman", "Choochie", "Lady C", "Madame Coleman of the Choo Choo Brigade", "Liza Coleman Manelli"). But, more importantly, Choo Choo Coleman sounds like the stage name of a go-go dancer at a bar frequented by rough trade or a drag performer with ripped nylons. That's my Choo Choo.

BLE (pronounced "Bill")

the disturbed one

Much to the chagrin of friends, family and her veterinarian, Ble is every bit a lady. Her name is actually short for "The Incredible", which is also short for "The Incredible, Inedible Cat." I had considered naming her "Maximillian" because she has a tiny black (ass)hole, but I was talked out of it by concerned parties. Ble always looks insane. This photograph is failry representative, I'm afraid.

With names like these, I'm well aware that I'm off to a questionable start.