Exhibit c006: POISE

Everything you think you know about cats and their inherent physical grace becomes wildly exploded after 24 hours in the company of Coleman. Apart from regularly missing the ground with her feet when landing from a (rare, these days) giant, playful leap and hitting my floor with an embarrassing thud, Coleman has a terrible habit of refusing to distribute her weight evenly across all four paws. This phenomenon is most visceral when she absent-mindedly walks across your face or throat, pressing the full force of 16 pounds of feline into each individual paw as she makes her tragically slow journey. Other highlights include waking up with her standing on your chest, leaning forward hard on her forepaws, with her face pressed in so close to yours that you can taste her last meal. It’s like that scene from The Cat’s Eye, but in this scenario Coleman sucks your breath by crushing your sternum.