AGE: 30
lately, masturbation has become increasingly difficult. i still remember (vaguely) what to do. however, since i added a second cat to my repertoire, there is virtually no place to hide from their open disdain toward my masturbation rituals. my apartment is small and with one cat this was a problem only occasionally. if she were in the bedroom, i would masturbate in front of the television. if she got restless and walked into the living room while i was in the middle of masturbating, i would just apologize, stop, and take a long walk.

now, with a second cat, i've more than doubled my chances of being caught. within a few seconds of lighting a stick of 'black love' incense and delicately unfastening my housecoat, one or both cats will find their way to me, sniffing about, blocking my view of the designing women tape i've cued up, or just giving me that 'hell isn't liberal enough to embrace your sins' look that housecats have nearly perfected as a species. as a result, i spend a lot of time locked in the bathroom of my own apartment.