Hi! Welcome to tremble. Did you know this site is
made 100% of hemp? Did you also know that George Washington, Thomas
Jefferson and Jefferson Airplane (not Starship) were all hobbyist
hemp farmers? Washington even had false teeth made of hemp. How
can that be?!
Well it just can! Hemp is an extraordinary resource.
300 times stronger than cotton, cheaper to grow than millet or
orzo, self-cleaning, and loaded with riboflavin, hemp has been
referred to as "our key to the past and our cherry ride to
the future [man]." (I can't remember exactly who said all
this but he was right on the money.) Hemp fights cancer and hemp
powered the Jarvic artificial heart and hemp breathes an extraordinary
life into even the most flaccid and uninspired laser light shows.
Have you ever had anyone tell you that their clothing/rope/gravy
is made of hemp? Did you care? Me neither, but that's not stopping
anyone. You see, people love their hemp and they can't help sharing.
Hemp berets are surprsingly comfortable!
There is a diner I used to frequent next to the
world famous Irving Plaza concert hall. They used to mix it up
well at this diner, combining healthy Thai influenced dishes with
sloppy, high-carb comfort food. (meat loaf, meat wick, meat log,
meat slab, meat pile, etc.) However, sometime during an extended
personal sabbatical, someone at this diner lost his or her mind
and nothing was the same again.
About six months ago I decided to stop at the diner
before a Willie
Tyler and Lester show at Irving Plaza, hoping to grab a quick
plate of meat stump. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the
menu had changed radically since my last visit. Gone were the
comfort foods I regularly ordered and many of the other healthy
dishes I enjoyed watching other, more dignified people eat. And
in their place was a new, all-hemp menu. Hemp pasta and soup and
cake and more. It was horrifying, like a practical joke or an
unplanned trip to Wavy Gravy's farmhouse.
Additionally, the menu featured a full store of
non-perishable hemp-laced products. Hats and t-shirts and drawstring
pants and shampoo and glue traps and monacles and giant tin tubs
filled with tri-flavored hemp popcorn. It didn't seem normal -
it seemed n.o.r.m.a.l.
I can usually tell when someone is using a hemp
product. Generally, it looks like a burlap sack with pockets or
smells like a damp roach. And hemp consumers (There is no hemp
customer who owns only one hemp product; it is a committed lifestyle
choice, like Amway, and demands continued material expansion.)
never ever ever say what you know they're dying to say: "these
pants will get your ass high as a motherfucker, son." That
is implied in the enthusiasm but to state it is a serious breach
Keep your hemp. And keep your hemp pamphlets and
poorly organized rallies. It's embarrassing everyone else. I'm
going to make a giant sign that reads, "KEEP YOUR HEMP OFF
MY BODY" and stick it on the back of my hand-hewn lysergic
acid sweatshirt. And I'm going to jog around N.O.R.M.A.L. activists
a bunch of times, until everyone sees my sign and I've worked
up a nice sweat. And then, when the sweatshirt kicks in, I'll
probably slip into a small coma. And I'll look fantastic.