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When I arrived at the Village Lantern on friday evening, I noticed that several police officers beat me to the place. This was good, I thought. I can dig up my Abner Louima material. Cops love that.

Turns out the club had been temporarily shut down, due to some violation of NYC's stringent cabaret laws. Apparently, one too many drunk undegrads must have stood on the bar to sing "Oh, What a Night" and that brought the law enforcement in. Apologies to anyone who showed up and was turned away. Maybe we can meet up next week, at Portable Comedy.

I'd love to say more but I'm in Los Angeles. I'm making an adult film. Actually, five adult films. I've been told it's more efficient that way. It probably sounds like a lot of work, but it isn't. I'm just an extra in a few scenes. I do have a few lines, though. Unlike normal motion pictures, extras get to speak in adult films without violating union contracts or affecting salary. However, you're not allowed to get an erection unless it's in your contract.

If you're a big fan of pornography, look out for me "Dishonorable Discharge: Volumes 7-12." I'll be in the gangbang scenes at the barracks. Here are all the lines I have:

"I call 'next'!"
"Excellent job of fucking, you three."
"Keep up the good work!"
"Does anyone need a soda?"

Not my best work, but not my worst. (for anyone who saw, "A Hot, Wet Day in the Death of Joe Egg," you know what i mean.)

WE FIRST MET ON 03.09.2003

it's just a line; don't worry too much
read the archives, please. does that make me gay? meet the author, more or less. this is the email link you were perhaps looking for