This past year marks a personal low point in my physical health. I had a cold for a bit of October, and just about the entire month of December. Then, recently, it manifested itself again, just in time for everyone with a pulse and cable access to make an instantly hilarious "SARS" joke.

(i swear, if it weren't for offices, no one would have to hear a single SARS joke. if you were thinking of making one, please stop. if you hear someone cough and find yourself replying with, "SARS?" that just isn't enough. you have to craft your jokes a bit, ok? it's like finding out the 1:30pm showing of What a Girl Wants is sold out, then turning to your friends and saying, "the terrorists have won." that type of joke is what's known as a ready-made. please try to consider this a public service announcement. i don't mean to player-hate.)

In addition to this never-ending cold, I've had an assortment of other ailments. In fact, I've been so sick that I'm getting import illnesses before they even reach American shores. People come to me for the latest, hottest shit, like I'm some kind of bacterial mix-tape peddler in the East Village. Right now I've got something that causes you to lose balance, itch behind the ears, and cough so hard it feels as if your lungs are flapping around like semi-inflated balloons. It's totally hot. There isn't even a name for it; it's totally white label right now. I heard when it reaches America it's going to have a few new symptoms that aren't available in the version I've contracted, which means I'll have to consider catching this illness again. I am such a completist.

(a friend told me i might be especially susceptible to illness because of the antibiotics i've been taking for the last several months. that sounds perfectly ironic, but i'm inclined to believe her because she can identify every species of fish known to man. it's strange but i trust in the global knowledge of anyone who seems to have an obsessive, specialized knowledge in any particular area. maybe it's because i can only remember the names of fish that sound funny to me. "ladies and gentlemen...who ordered the clown fish?!?!")