It's hard to justify plopping words up on a web site when you feel like you're so behind in other aspects of your life. When will I feel like I'm "caught up"? By that I mean caught up with all of the projects I have to do, along with all of the projects I want to do. I think there's some place where I'm supposed to learn the value of saying "no" to certain things in order to help me expedite this goal, or at least diminish that obligation pile.
But it's so hard to say no, isn't it? It's hard to say no to Girl Scout cookies and drugs and moonshine dates and "+1's" on someone else's fancy guest list. (which usually leads to more free cookies and free moonshine and pigs in a blanket and stuff) And it's really hard to say no to work or favors or shows or any other kind of project that would involve me trying to please someone else other than myself.
It's a struggle. I consider myself somewhat selfish and self-absorbed. I get cranky when loved ones suggest eating at restaurants I hate, when I should just be grateful for the company. I often allow my pedantic worries to get in the way of someone else's real problems. But, at the same time, I will grant nearly every favor I'm asked, and will refuse almost no social engagement, even when it means putting some personal project on hold, and hastening my next existential crisis.
I put the whole question of getting caught up to a friend yesterday, and asked, "when do you think we'll be totally on top of everything, looking down at everything we've done with a satisfied and calm sense of personal achievement?" His response was interesting. He changed the subject, but did not ignore the question. It was quite cryptic. He said, "You know, Greenwood Cemetery is very nice. But you should reserve your grave site now, and save money."
On the subject of things for which I feel like I'm terribly behind, I'm performing at a really great show tonight, in NYC. It's called THE REJECTION SHOW. I've been before, as a member of the audience, and had a nice time. The show has an interesting fail-safe element; it's performers and writers presenting material that has been rejected by various other outlets – magazines, publishers, television shows, lovers, etc. Therefore, if you're bombing with the material at the Rejection Show, you can always say, "SEE??? No wonder it was rejected." And then everyone hugs you.
Here are the details, for tonight's show. Laugh along with our failures:
THE REJECTION SHOW
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Performance Space 122
150 1st Avenue at 9th St.
Tickets: $7 (advance tickets here)
Tonight's guests include comedian Jessi Klein, Daily Show writer Bob Wiltfong and an American Idol reject. Zoinks.