A couple of brief, imagined conversations between myself and people I see every single day at my job but have never once spoken with:

The guy from the mail room who comes around and delivers our packages from Amazon.com
ME:
Anything for me?

HIM:
Nope.

ME:
I'll bet you like getting mail at home because it's the one time someone's giving you mail instead of you giving it to them, right?

HIM:
What did you say?

ME:
(under my breath) ...nothing.

The middle-aged Asian lady who keeps candy by her desk
ME:
Creme-Savers, huh? I guess you and I have something in common: we've both got a sweet-tooth ha ha!"

HER:
Those are sugar-free. I have diabetes.

ME:
(looking at floor) mmm-hmm.

EXEUNT.

That guy with legs of two different lengths, who hops around in a corrective shoe
ME:
Hey! Giddyup! Right? Right?!

HIM:
Jesus Christ, fuck you!

ME:
Just like a horsie and...(trails off)

The only woman in America who still faxes stuff all day long
ME:
You know, I was thinking—

HER:
Don't even say it.

ME:
What?

HER:
You were going to say, "I was thinking, it's pretty strange that you're faxing all day since you just don't really see that anymore. Then you were probably going to make some kind of crack about traveling back in time to 1986. You were, weren't you?"

ME:
(looking at the floor) Nope. Have a nice day. You look pretty.

HER:
(shouting down the hall as I shuffle away)
I have to fax. I HAVE DIABETES!!!