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This is Grindhouse: Aw--
This is me: Shiiiiit!!!

This is Wild Hogs: Yippie Kai---
This is me: what the–?

This is Jon Heder: Remember when Hollywood was all, "Hey, Jon Heder is pretty funny as Napoleon Dynamite. Its success must have everything to do with him!" And then Hollywood was all, "More like Jon HEAT-er, because HEDER'S GOT HEEEET. Line 'em up. Blam!—Just Like Heaven! Blam!—The Benchwarmers!" "Blam!—School of freakin' Scoundrels!" and "Blam! How come no one is coming to see any of these films? Can't you see they all have that magically focus-tested combination of Jon Heder + Blam? What more do we need to do, y'all? American teenaged boys ages 14-23, you are dicks."

Me: "Yeah, buddy. I do. What happened? I mean, I remember when I first saw the trailers for Blades of Glory you had a lot of screen time. Then, as the movie got closer to its release date, after the first couple rounds of test screenings you were––"

JH: "NOWHERE TO BE SEEN! I know!! That totally sucked a piss lozenge. I'm totally missing from the new TV spots. My name isn't even in it! Plus, my old college roommate was doing missionary work in NYC and he was on the subway platform and saw a huge poster for the movie. And it was just a big picture of Will Ferrell, alone! In a movie about the first-ever male figure skating pair. PAIR! That's two males! I mean, come on! My outfit was just as funny, y'all. Stupid idiots!!"

Me: Ha! "Stupid idiots." Awesome. That is classic Napoleon Dynamite. Don't worry about a thing, Heder. You still got it.

JH: Heh. You think?

Me: Nope. Sorry.

WE FIRST MET ON 04.05.2007

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