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ARE WE GONNA DRINK THIS TIME? YES, RAMBO. YES.
Some of you may remember--or may even remember playing--my wildly successful Angels in America drinking game. Well, with Sylvester Stallone mounting his latest 80s icon resurrection, RAMBO, this weekend, it seems like it's time to start drinking again. Sure, there probably isn't enough alcohol to make you dumb enough to see RAMBO, but now you have an excuse to try.
In instant-message collaboration with my friend, Justin "The Bug" Farren, I present The Rambo Drinking Game. Print out these rules and bring them, along with a case of beer and 2-3 bottles of tequila, to your local cineplex and demand "one for Rambo":
RAMBO '08 DRINKING GAME:
- A beating heart is held in Rambo's hand: Drink
- Someone looks down and sees an arrow in their chest, about to explode: Drink
- A throat is cut while the enemy is preoccupied with reloading and looking around in a panicky fashion: Drink twice
- Someone silently prowls through the jungle, searching for Rambo when, suddenly, a twig snaps ominously beneath his feet and, a split second later, some sharpened logs fly out of nowhere and kill him dead: Person with most full cup drinks
- Rambo remembers when America used to be OK, and then feels sad: Pour your drink into the person's glass sitting to the right of you and make him/her drink
- People (possibly playing cards or Mahjongg) look down to see a grenade roll into their hut/room/building/fan boat, and proceed to dive out the nearest window: Finish Drinks
- Someone has a live grenade stuffed into his mouth or uniform: Put an ice cube down your shirt, and drink
- Rambo holds a dying person in his arm, and gets that revengey look in his eyes: Face salute and drink
- Someone is looking for Rambo in the jungle when, behind him, a pair of Rambo eyes magically appear from the mud/leaves: Pour your drink into the garbage
- Someone is killed by serrated knife: Drink, chase with a shot
- Someone is killed by crossbow: Do a shot
- Someone is killed by a crossbow, and pinned to a tree/wall: Do a shot, refill it, do another
- We see a pair of empty boots still smoking as evidence of death by explosion: Fill your shoe with beer, drink
- The screen fills with a slow, lingering shot of burned or torn American flag: Do a Body Shot off the person to your left
- Someone mentions John Rambo's green beret background: Nod serenly and knowingly drink and say, to no one in particular, "They brought this on themselves. They created John Rambo."
- Rambo catches a knife and throws it back at the thrower: Throw your drink at your neighbor and yell, "That was for our lost innocence!!"
- Someone stands over a female captive, and unbuckles his belt: Take back the night, and drink
- Rambo murders someone who has just unbuckled his pants and is seconds away from raping a female captive: Read aloud from The Feminine Mystique, and do a shot
- Rambo uses an enemy as a human shield: Pour everyone's drink into the least-full glass and make that person drink a "suicide"
- Rambo or anyone uses the phrase "first blood" in a sentence: Cheer wildly, draw your own blood with a pen-knife, squeeze it into a shot glass, and drink
- Rambo punches or kills a wild animal: Murmur into your glass, "This time you've gone too far, John Rambo," and drink