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Recently, I met a friend at a bar. Now this was back when I had friends, so bear with me. He was there on an informal date. The woman was seated on a bar stool, and was extremely lady-styled - long denim skirt, long nails, high boots, etc. - and extremely friendly. She also knew how to smoke, which I find extremely relaxing. We talked about her career as an "actress". She had recently returned to NYC after performing in a touring company of the Will Rogers Follies, which had her stationed in Branson, MO for over a year. I can't imagine what anyone could do in Branson for a year, so I had many questions for her. And all the time we spoke, she was a perfectly normal height. Thank God.

Then, as the three of us got up to leave, she lifted herself from her bar stool and literally rose to the heavens. She had a torso that suggested a height of five feet-five inches, but her legs must have been crumpled up beneath the bar like a discarded bath sheet because, fully extended, she must have been close to six feet-four inches tall. Maybe more. I can't see that far without my glasses.

This instantly made me uncomfortable, and not for the reasons you might think. I am not especially short - I'm five feet-nine without afro - and I've never had power-related issues concerning my height, at least with regards to women. But I feel like you take someone who looks like me - slightly nebbish, thin, Jewey - and put me alongside a very tall, somewhat elegant woman the first thought that must surely pop into everyone's head is this: Tranny Chaser.

WE FIRST MET ON 10.30.2002

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