Buying me the new Crooked Fingers album* won't save the world, or your life, or even the life of that frog you accidentally sat on in third grade, on your way back from a field trip to the reservoir. It won't do any of those things. But it will make me smile. And that hasn't happened since 1983. Imagine the power you now possess. If that doesn't work, maybe you should buy it for yourself and smile for me.
*It is not this site's policy to solicit gifts from readers, by direct request, or through the inclusion of an Amazon wish list filled with stuff that interests me but can never serve to satisfy the way your continued readership does. Plus, I don't have any boobie pictures to share in exchange for your gifts. Just these words. And one blurry pickle shot. But just one. And the lighting isn't especially flattering. But you can sort of make out the edges. So there's that.