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Last night I performed comedy in front of several attractive hipsters, all of whom I wanted to invite to a rollerskating party; some chubby kid who graduated from Starcraft Fleet Commander to Internet celebrity because he sang a horrible song about the superbowl and everything else being gay (watch your back, mahir!); and one crazy, drunk, loud, homeless war veteran who somehow managed to remain perfectly silent until about 45 seconds before I got onstage, and who threatened to upstage my pristinely crafted jokes by shitting his pants.

I actually taped my set, which is something I should get used to in order to remove the "um"s from my delivery, and I captured the many uncomfortably delightful exchanges between me and my new comedy buddy, Crazy Homeless Guy. Perhaps I'll post the audio this weekend so you can see what you're missing by not performing stand-up in front of cute twenty-somethings an dthe clinically insane.

(when Crazy Homeless Guy - who might actually have a home, for all i know - was ejected from the theater, right after my set thank you, he kept claiming that it was his right to make lots of noise because he was a u.s. marine. i kept thinking, i don't care if he's a marine. shit, i don't care if he works at old navy. they're supposed to teach you discipline and respect - and murder skills - in the military.)

WE FIRST MET ON 04.03.2003

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