I was in a bathroom stall earlier today, making dirt, and someone else's cell phone rang. The ring tone was a MIDI version of Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." When the phone's owner picked up the phone – because of course he picked up his phone in the bathroom – this is how he answered it: "TALK TO ME."

Even if he never picked up and let the call go to voicemail, I could have told you that any man with "Eye of the Tiger" as his ring tone is also a man who answers his phone, "Talk to me," providing he's able to remove the phone from his belt clip first.

I'm willing to wager this guy also owns a very inexpensive humidor and has masturbated at least once to a Maxim bikini shot of James King. And good for him.

[full disclosure: my ring tone is "Memories" from Cats: The Musical. i own a travel lint roller.]