I am thinking of attending a Halloween party this evening, but I'm a little frustrated by its Draconian standards for entry. Being required to attend any party in costume is a bit of an imposition, but not at the cost of having fun. (Particularly on Halloween; if you're angered by a costume dress code at a Halloween party, you probably deserve to have your opinions toilet-papered, shaving creamed and egged. I'll bet you're handing out Oral-B Brush-Ups to Trick-or-Treaters.) However, this party requires an additional clause for costuming: everyone must dress as "URBAN ROYALTY." It's confoundingly vague.

I've been spending the afternoon divided between being angered that I can't dress as Bizarro Superman for Halloween this year, and being perplexed by what URBAN ROYALTY might mean. Here are some ideas I came up with, and I'm sure I'll enjoy reading this list back to myself tonight, while I sit in my apartment in the dark, with the shades drawn, hiding from children:

URBAN ROYALTY COSTUMES
The King of Queens
Mr. Gay 2004
The Heterosexual Ambassador to Park Slope Lesbians
The Minister of Mole People
The Earl of Pee
Lord ShittyPants of the Bowery
Lord Bridge & Lady Tunnel
The Hunan Dynasty (Express)
Original Ray
V.I.P. Room
Martin Luther King Boulevard

Sigh. Just read this essay on Halloween instead, and consider this an I.O.U.