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I don't usually do this, but here is a special prize for those of you who are unable to attend this evening's show at the Gershwin Hotel. Below is my set list, which I will use to remember how to be funny tonight:

  • Greetings/crowd work
  • (come up with something funny to say about the state of delaware)
  • Eatin' the Puss
  • The history of tiered farming in Japan
  • Gay proofreader
  • Gay cardiologist
  • John Wayne Bobbit (NOTE: need to retire this joke after tonight!)
  • Teddy Grahams
  • Polio
  • Eatin' the Puss Pt. II
  • Semen in my briefcase
  • Jim Ignotowski at the UN Security Council
  • Star spangled banner with farting
  • Throw kerosene on front row
  • Light match
  • Laugh maniacally as flames lick the stage and devour the audience in a fiery hell
  • Eatin' the Puss Pt. III - 1/2 price pussy buffet

Sorry you can't all be there, and I hope my set list doesn't make you resent what you'll be missing. Willard is in theaters now; you can always do that.

WE FIRST MET ON 03.14.2003

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