new writing in long forma proper archive for this site
 

100 IMPROVEMENTS.
[AVAILABLE SINCE: 15 MARCH, 2002]

I did a brief survey of this site and, upon inspection,realized it was lacking. Lacking in what, I wasn't sure - and that's where the work began. I drew up a plan for vast improvement. New themes, stronger ideas, better footholds for my readers.

I hope you share even 10% of my excitement over these potential changes, or even .00000001% of my love for exhausting lists. And, if you meet both of those requirements, or any number of other requirements I've kept hidden from you for your own personal safety, I think you'll appreciate the new additions and improvements to tremble.com. Feel free to expect more:

  1. choppers
  2. cat fights
  3. stank
  4. jelly bellies
  5. spin-kicks
  6. poisonous snakes
  7. spiked bats
  8. sex with strangers
  9. indecision
  10. dark chocolate
  11. Philly soul
  12. misheard lyrics
  13. Carvel crunchies
  14. flying saucer sightings
  15. Bigfoot lore
  16. invincible toad style
  17. McDonald's birthday parties
  18. petting zoos
  19. haunted hayrides
  20. dirty swears
  21. malfeasance
  22. high-class comedy
  23. dicklicks
  24. henna tattoos
  25. balderdash
  26. hard salami
  27. baby frogs in soda cups
  28. polite nods
  29. phantom taps
  30. double-neck guitar solos
  31. battle rhymes
  32. pilates
  33. cold snap
  34. real-time haircuts
  35. missed deadlines
  36. upskirt shots
  37. loop-de-loops
  38. Bubble Yum urban myth
  39. ideas for tofu
  40. commitment issues
  41. reasons to get krunked up
  42. making you scream my name two times, like pelle pelle
  43. uncomfortable silences
  44. Korean war re-enactments
  45. unwelcome rock reunions
  46. links to eugenemirman.com (that little baby's singing his ass off!!)
  47. lady-apples
  48. winking allusions to lady-apples
  49. fake German accents
  50. teddy bear dinner theater
  51. yammering
  52. pepperoni pizza rolls
  53. stage-fright
  54. genteel behavior
  55. ponchos fabricated from hemp
  56. shortness of breath
  57. trips to the potato bar
  58. pork sausages, please
  59. consternations
  60. pen pal balloon launch picnics
  61. beastmaster fan fiction
  62. Russian dissident acrobats
  63. stomach cramps
  64. polypeptides
  65. ego-crushing bon mots
  66. Firenza sportswear
  67. cash, money, hos (but not necessarily in that order)
  68. more Fleer, less Topps
  69. chapped lips
  70. inside-out Steely Dan t-shirts
  71. yarrgh
  72. patooie
  73. and pffffft!
  74. beautiful things in suspicious-looking packages
  75. pre-meditated panache
  76. unauthorized berry picking
  77. pubescent sweat
  78. zombie powder
  79. lux interiors
  80. Asian hatchet gangs
  81. magic snakes
  82. solid gold platinum series special release director's cut collector editions
  83. imitative style
  84. recycled high school literary magazine stories
  85. unicorn stickers
  86. exit strategies
  87. tones on tail
  88. Polack jokes
  89. excuses, excuses, excuses
  90. notes from home
  91. monster ball
  92. coasting by on charm and fast fingers
  93. 100% Vermont maple syrup-style syrup
  94. peppermint wind when arms go flap
  95. cracklin
  96. free swim
  97. Google search results
  98. credit in the straight world
  99. phony interviews
  100. rock beating scissors, paper, and any other takers

 
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2001 todd levin
{ exhaustive credits }